I Stinkin’ Hate Due Dates (and everything else wrong with birth in this country)
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Perhaps a disclaimer is in order: not liable for anything said when hormonally possessed and at 40+ weeks gestation.
I doubt I am the first woman nearly two weeks over her "due date" who is pretty much fed up with the hoopla. Nine months ago you excitedly get a positive pregnancy test, have a date calculated based on your last cycle, and then gleefully look forward to the miracle that is being pregnant.
And then it happens. About two weeks before your due date everyone starts asking if you’re "ready". These people are simply asking if you have gotten every little piece of junk polka-dotted in green, blue, or pink together so that your baby can rest easy in their 200 square foot nursery. Either that or they’re asking if you’re ready to have the baby by that arbitrary 40 week due date and if not certain doom will arise.
It’s really not their fault, they are either ignorant or brainwashed. The former I can understand. Before I had babies I had no clue as to the ins and outs of this pregnancy thing. The latter I have a hard time accepting.
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Birth As Business
Birth in North America is a big, complicated, medical business. Business as in people are making money off of your body carrying a child and being part of one of the most miraculous things we get to witness on this earth – childbirth. Business as in bottom lines, supply and demand, market manipulation and ruthless number punchers.
Don’t get me wrong, I actually think there is a time and a place to utilize medical facilities as a part of birth, and perhaps at some point I may be telling you of my experience in a hospital or with a c-section. I am also sure their remains a steadfast group of reasonable OBs who really do care more about healthy, natural births than pushing you through the system like a car bumper in a manufacturing facility.
After two homebirths and another one imminent, however, I have fallen in love with the wisdom, care, and support provided by midwives. In fact never was I more thankful to have asked a midwife to be a part of this process than when I lay on our bed, complications arising, blood pressure dropping, and our now sturdy three-year-old’s heart beat unable to be found.
Our skilled midwife kept her head, helped me get the baby out, and avoid any unnecessary interventions. I do realize it could have ended differently, though. But even if we are going to talk about the bottom line, I have found homebirth to be a whole lot more affordable than the hospital estimates I have seen.
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Industrial Birth
This whole business of birthing thing really wouldn’t be such a problem if simply opting out changed everything. Because you still have a nation full of people to which birth is a medical condition that can be solved scientifically and medically.
It is no different than the big business of industrial foods or the industrial way of life in general. We have taken something that is good, natural, and God-given and decided we can do better. Then we muck it up to the point where our food is poison, our lifestyle is unsustainable, and one in three women have to have their babies removed via major surgery. ONE IN THREE.
Perhaps it is my raging hormones or the fact that if one more person asks me if there is any news, if the baby has come yet, or if I am worried about being "late" that I may use the phrase bleepin’ due date rather than stinkin’, but why aren’t more people fed up with the system?
Oh, and next time around I think I’ll skip creating or sharing a due date and have a due season instead. I’m sure it’ll be all the rage in the pregnancy magazines, just you wait.
I did the whole “due month” with my third son (first homebirth) and I was SO glad I did! Although I have to warn you, it drives everyone else crazy that you don’t have a date stamped on your belly and they will try to force you to give them a date anyway!
well said! just finished watching a documentary about the rising rate of c-sections in medical deliveries and am amazed that it took only half a century to wipe out generations of female wisdom and traditions. thanks for sharing!
I feel ya! I hated the constant questioning too. And the whole “are you ready” question was always a joke since with all three babies we had just moved or were about to move at my due date.
Love the due season idea! I’ve gone 13 days and 7 days past my “due date” before. Now pregnant with #6 and due sometime this spring. : ) We have done the last two at home and are planning that for this one. Blessings to you and your upcoming birth.
You reminded me of one woman who was weeks “late” and finally got a button that said “still here” or something. It was getting very old with everyone asking silly questions. I had all 5 of mine at home. One was a premie and my midwife should have known that oxygen should have been available, just in case. But she didn’t have any and my baby was born purple and wouldn’t take a deep breath. We called 911 and by the time they arrived, she was pink. But “just in case” of “something” we went to the hospital. She went to the NICU and the doctor was furious, saying he was sure she was brain damaged. She was off oxygen very soon after arriving at the hospital and I took her home after her round of antibiotics 10 days later. They were sure she must have picked up some bug with the barbaric idea of having a home birth in anything but sterile conditions (as if hospitals are sterile!) Fast forward 10 years, she is in a Christian school and her teacher calls me excitedly, saying, “I didn’t know we had an Einstein in our midst!” He wanted me to come down and see her test scores. They were almost all “post high school” scores! She didn’t do particularly well in class, but that was because she was bored. She read everything constantly. Loved learning. Had mild ADD, and regular school just bored her. She is an amazing young woman today at 28, very smart, successful in business, loves Jesus, has an incredible voice and is beautiful! What a blessing. So… the doctors were wrong. And I would never have a baby in a hospital if I had the choice. Yes, sometimes there are complications, but they are very, very rare. All my other births were easy and it was wonderful to snuggle with my baby right away and not have them snatched away to get cleaned and weighed and measured. Have a blessed time birthing your baby at home. Don’t you feel that God is right there when the baby takes it’s first breath? I never feel He is ever any closer than at that very moment. It’s a miracle!
My last pregnancy I added 2 weeks to my due date and was vague (end of may, beginning of June). It really got people off my back…but then I was measuring 10 weeks big and saying I still had at least a month to go and people were in an uproar! Then my LO came 2 weeks early (same as my first) and people assumed she was much earlier and that was the reason for her NICU stay. Nope, just major major health issues. I will definitely still do the same thing with vagueness next time though!
Great minds think alike or maybe it’s pregnant minds… I was saying something/ranting today about almost the same things. I am fed up with the system. That the fact that I choose To do things naturally is wrong or weird but either way subject to judgment and criticism. This is our first pregnancy and we already have to write a complaint letter to our insurance company because on rude comments and purposefully incorrect information regarding my desire to have my birth at anything other than the military hospital. The woman almost made my husband (who I have only seen cry once) burst into tears since I refused to even try to deal with Tricare.
I have tried to only tell the season or month my baby is due, rather than a day. If people press for a specific due date, I say I’ve been given several different dates (which is true) so I’m not sure.
Well, as a person who required a whole lot of MD attention during my two pregnancies, I longed to have the relaxed “due season” approach and found myself definitely pushed through the first time. No intervention, except being induced- which sucked, let me not mince words. The second time, I required a lot of watching A LOT. But you know I ended up going into labor on my own at 36 weeks and had a great delivery. Absolutely great. I am so thankful that all that medical attention was available or I would not have been able to carry a baby to term/ near term at all. But man, I so agree with you!
I think the thing that we have to demystify in our country- a pregnancy is a HEALTHY state. it’s not abnormal, doesn’t need to be treated, but rather, may require watching. And for most people, a midwife is the perfect person to do that watching.
Blessings to you!
I’m 36 1/2 weeks, and because I was 3 weeks early last time, people are already asking me if I’m still pregnant! We are getting ready for our 4th homebirth- wouldn’t want to plan it any other way. And I always just give the month, not the date. Although at 4′ 11″ I start looking like a house around 32 weeks and people think I should go ahead and have the baby. Blessings to you- hang in there (as if there is another option) 😉 and I’m sure this baby will make his/her arrival on the perfect day!
Rock on, Momma!! You are absolutely right! I had our son 2.5 yrs ago…in a hospital…with an OB…and I knew enough to tell them to let ME decide when I was going to push and how long that push was going to last! I wish i’d known more… But I delivered an 8 lb little boy without tearing. 🙂 I would love to have one at home, but alas, we aren’t having another… that and I live 50 mins from a hospital in the event anything went seriously wrong. But it’s moot… anyway… you are right and we totally support you!
Amen sista! Preach it! Makes me crazy too, especially considering they give two extra weeks that your not even preggo before you even conceive making you not late at all but exactly on time..the medical mafia wants you to be “late” so they can intervene and make money..its a really crazy sick care system and I thank God everyday it has and never will have a place in our lives. I’m 12 weeks with my 5th blessing from above:) can’t wait for another beautiful homebirth..when someone asks when I’m due I will just say the month and then say when God decides the day:)
I agree! I had my first in a hospital and my second at home. I could not go back to a hospital. I loved it!! One of my friends had both of her children two weeks overdue and they were both totally healthy, of course!! If it aint broke, don’t fix it, right?!
I’m 42 weeks exactly, myself… but living in S. Korea, where women are given even less empowerment to have a natural birth than in the US. This entire last week has been a battle between me, my (former) doctor, well-meaning friends and my husband, who on top of everything got sick yesterday, and completely changed his tune on looking for somewhere else to birth the baby. Unfortunately the only option we have to avoid a C-section at this point is somewhat far away and expensive. My husband has agreed to go but is not happy and not convinced it’s the best choice. Currently waiting to hear if we can get an appt. there today.
Not trying to have a pity party at all here… just saying that I totally, totally feel your pain. I hope you have a great birth experience this time around! It comforts me to read your frustration and know that even though I feel alone right now, I’m not.
My mom said to me when 41 weeks came and past, ” no one is pregnant forever.” I thought this very enlightening.
Through pregnancy I fought against all my opponents of the natural birth process, reassuring them if medical intervention is absolutely necessary then I will do what’s best. Well after over 26 hours of non-progressing labor I left the comforts of my birthing center and entered the dreaded hospital. Then and there we realized that with each contraction our babies heart was stopping, I had an immediate c-section. The first couple days I was disappointed, then we realized the reason her heart would stop : she had a LIFE THREATENING heart defect, she had open heart surgery 5 days later. I hate to think what may have happened if she was born at the center and just brought home. As a wife to a chiropractor and a naturalist by nature my whole medical model got flipped upside down. I no longer felt anger toward our medical system but thankful for it and the fact it kept my daughter alive. I think its each woman’s choice to birth the way they want to, just to be WELL EDUCATED on all options. And wherever the baby is born it should have a pulse-ox test. Congenital heart defects are the #1 birth defect, 1 in 100 will be born with one. We are lucky that with today’s medical advances the number of blue babies have greatly decreased. Blessings to you and your newest addition, I just hope this may help some one and reminds us to be thankful for our children no matter how or when they enter this world.
Ahhh, the argument that i have with sooo many people! I Have had 1 hospital birth of 8.7lbs that was 11 day “overdue”, and the last 2 of my births at home (11.2 lbsa and 11.5 lbs) 11, and 3 days “overdue”…that would be an instant c-section in this country. totally in tact perenium! i love sharing that example of God’s perfect design of our bodies. Why do we think we are smarter than His creation?! I attend birth as a doula a few times a year and to stay home with my kiddos, I am a childbirth educator. It baffles me so often, esspecially among Christians, that so few women trust the way their bodies are made and what they are made to do!!!
Great atricle mama!! Prayers for a beautiful birth experience!
I always love hearing your off grid stories.
Sounds like you are ready to me! Good luck and God bless!
Nice article! Just enjoy the miracle that you are about to witness. I think you are amazing to be doing this all off-grid! Good for you!
I feel you sista!
When I was at the 40 week mark with my first we were in Japan during the New Year holiday. The whole country shuts down for about 5 days. So, not only was I ready to have the baby…there was nothing to do so time passed really slowly. In retrospect, I appreciate that quiet time before the baby came but at the time all I could think is “when is the baby coming?!”
I love the pictures of eggs and butter! The better we eat during pregnancy, the more equipped we are to have a positive birth experience!
Thanks for sharing!
I love the idea of homebirth but after a very scary experience with my 2nd at a birth center (ending in an emergency c-section at a hospital), I’m afraid to try for a homebirth just yet. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I had been at home for his birth, but the odds that one of us wouldn’t have made it are frightening. I get disgusted with the system when I’m pregnant (so many unnecessary tests! so expensive!) but for now I’m reminding myself to be content with my healthy little guys. Oh, and I was also “7 days late” with my first and “11 days late” with my second. The mind games are horrible. I wish I didn’t even know my “due date” sometimes!
I loved my first delivery, 52 yrs ago, because it was so fast they didn’t get to do most of the barbaric things they did to women back in those days. Because of expelling him so quickly, my uterus collapsed and I was glad I was cared for while I was unconscious for 2 days. Then the second time the Dr. was very worried I would do the same thing, so they induced labor and watched me like a hawk and knocked me out when #2 was arriving. That really made me mad. I am very proud of all of you young women who are going back to the right way of having your babies. Thousands of babies are born all over the world every year that have no Dr. attending and those little people do just fine. We humans have been managing this for thousands and thousands of years. You ladies stick to your guns. I admire you all.
Hang in there! I just gave birth at 41 weeks and 3 days on Wednesday.
I love home birth. I love midwives. And I too hate due dates. I have seven children. Only two of them have been born on or even near their due dates. The other five were born eight days to two weeks after. May you have a blessed birth, soon. The wait is worth it, as you know. I just had a friend who chose a hospital birth after several home births because she unexpectedly found herself pregnant at 47. She was nervous about the pregnancy because of her age. They induced her right on her due date to make sure the placenta didn’t get too old. She said she never felt any pain like it and ended up medicated. Thankfully there were no other complications, but the beauty of home birth was made clear.
I definitely agree with the sentiment that much of the birthing care is messed up. At the same time, I’m thankful for the technology that allowed me to have four children with a clotting problem that statistically causes about 85% of babies (whose moms have it) to be miscarried or stillborn. I prefer to use the best of both worlds in medical care, treating or preventing with diet and supplements but using modern medicine in situations where it is truly helpful.
I hope you have a smooth and easy delivery this time around!
I was blessed to have 2 hospital deliveries at Scott & White in central Texas. I no longer reside in Texas and I am planning a midwife delivery at a local birthing center with this pregnancy. I can honestly say that Scott and White gives you total freedom with the delivery, no drugs unless you want them, freedom to move around in labor. After delivery the baby does not leave your room except for a hearing test and circumcision. I immediately nursed after delivery. They actually do not have a nursery and the baby stays with you 24/7. It was a very positive experience. I have not been able to find a hospital in my area that comes close to giving me these options. That is why I have decided to have a midwife/ birthing center delivery. If you end up ever needing medical intervention from an OB I was very pleased there! I just wanted to give you this in info since I saw that you live in central Texas now. Hope you have a wonderful delivery!
As someone who tried for four years to have a second kid and I am now 10 days away from having twins, I love when people ask about my babes. I am blessed to finally be pregnant and really I think people are just being nice and amazed by the miracle it is. I can see why people would like home birth but I would be scared to risk any kind of complications with them and am scheduled for c sec delivered my first but no matter what as long as they are as safe i am happy.
I’m laying in bed, 6 days overdue and just waiting… Yes, that one date is frustrating and seems to be more like an expiration date on milk carton than a “possible” due date. The doctor wants to scrape my membranes but I’m going to wait. I know that the placenta can start to calcify at 42 weeks so we won’t wait too long, but she has already said that she finds the Bradley Method (natural, husband-coached birthing) to be “too restrictive” bordering on extreme. Huh? Natural birth is extreme? Every animal on the planet does it, why can’t humans?
I did have one question… You briefly reference at-home birth being cheaper than hospital but I was wondering if you have figures to go along with that? I know as soon as you step through hospital doors the running tally begins but I am curious about the costs of each.
I was eight days ‘late’ with my son and even though I thought I was going to die I knew that it was perfectly natural and wasn’t going to get induced like SO many women out there who feel pressured, feel like there isn’t another choice, or don’t know any better.
Natural birth is an experience I would never trade and this second pregnancy I am more mentally prepared for the inaccuracy of a ‘due’ date….my kid isn’t a piece of mail.
baby number one arrived promptly during my 43rd week of pregnancy. Four hour non- interventive vaginal birth. That was 23 years ago. I went on to have three more who arrived a smidge closer to their expected dates, the last two at home.I shudder at the imposed ” deadlines” that loam over women in my neck of the woods these days( Ontario). At 10 days passed an rather arbitrary date to begin with ,women are induced. As a doula and pre/postnatal nurse and educator I know the reality of these forced beginnings- higher rates of interventions, surgical births and infant NICU admissions.
Funny ;23 years ago we were closer to what mother nature intended than we are today.
Doctor based due dates are based on the first day of your last period so we aren’t even pregnant for approximately the first two weeks of pregnancy. If you know your ovulation cycle/fertile days you should be able to come up with your own, more accurate due date.
I agree!! People should be required to watch the business of being born among others when they get pregnant. I am aiming for a home birth with the next baby. I unfortunately experienced the dreadful hospital experience w/ my 1st and 2nd. My first was born with a birth defect which untimely took his life. It is terrifying to wonder if the following children will have it, but I hate hospitals and birthing babies are supposed to be natural, peaceful and not a problem! So glad your little one is here safe and sound! <3