To My Newlywed Self On Our Seventh Anniversary
Dear New Bride,
Today you are getting married. You have met the man you will spend the rest of your life with and today is the day you seal the deal. Never mind the fact that your Dad offered you a Greyhound ticket out of here last night and at least half of the forty-five people waiting to witness this grand occasion are livid at your audacity to get married in a way that they don’t approve of.
But you will make it through this day and look back on it fondly as "One of the worst days of my life." Thankfully your marriage, which is the thing that really matters here, isn’t nearly as bleak.
Oh young girl, you are as naive as your twenty two years show. You will profess love today without even knowing what it truly means. You see roses and love letters and endless affection in your future, but that is not love. You will have all of those things and more, but they do not make a marriage and could never compare to what a loving union really is.
You are marrying an imperfect man today, but that man will change your life in ways you can’t even imagine. Over the next seven years you will go through the growing pains of learning how to be a husband and wife while on the job. Whatever you think a marriage should look like throw it out the window because you are wrong.
Love is not him making you happy or comfortable for the rest of your life.
Love is not lying to you about who you are or allowing you to deceive yourself.
Love is not a public declaration of affection or a meaningless gift on Valentine’s day.
No, my dear, love is none of these things. This man who loves you will tell you when you are wrong, will tell you when you are selfish, will tell you when you are disrespectful, and will tell you when you need to change. He will do all of this with a look on his face that lets you know that he doesn’t want to be the one to tell you, but he’ll tell you anyway.
.jpg)
Because he loves you.
This man will grow in ways you can’t imagine. He will exemplify Christ’s love for the church, drawing you closer to Him.
He will quit his job and throw away his all important "security" so that he can live out the life God has commanded him to live.
He will build a home for you when you need one and will dance with you within the walls of its 150 square feet.
He will teach your sons to be men by truly being one himself.
He will hold your hand as you bring life into this world, he will chase your sons around with roaring giggles, and he will love your daughter as only a father can.
He will put up with your ridiculousness and learn to kind of sort of appreciate your sarcastic sense of humor.
He will pray with you, he will laugh with you, and he will teach you things you never knew about yourself.
He will build you a table, plant you a vegetable garden, and empty your composting toilet.
All of this may not sound romantic, young bride, but what it is is love. If only you could really appreciate all that he means when he says "I do."
What a beautiful post. I have not been reading your blog for very long, but I wanted to tell you that I enjoy it very much. This post especially I can relate to. I also was married at 22, my dad also did not want me to marry my husband, and our wedding was a disaster in so many ways. We cringe when we think of it. But it doesn’t matter at all, does it? People think weddings are such a big deal. They’re just the very beginning of a wonderful journey.
I have found the same as you, that real love isn’t at all what I thought it was when I was young and silly. It’s so different, and so much better!
Beautiful! And so true. My husband and I will celebrate our 20th this year, and I wish I had been blessed with your wisdom at only 7 years in!
this….was beautiful. thank you, so much, for posting this. there are many, many pearls of wisdom in here that many of us need to remember.
thank you.
This is beautiful… it brings tears to my eyes. Trust in the Lord, not in any person, and He will bring you blessings in ways you can’t imagine…
Thank you <3 You words are healing.
My husband and I will be married 45 years in September. We have had good times and bad times but through it all we had God, each other and love. We got married when I was 19 and decided before we got married that divorce was not an option so we worked extra hard. God has marvelously blessed us with 2 son and 7 grandchildren. God is so GOOD!!!!
This was simply BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for sharing it….I was inspired, blessed and encouraged.
Thank God for men that exemplify Him!
Beautiful words and pictures! Thank you for sharing.
This is so beautiful!! I had to share it on my fb page: https://www.facebook.com/learningandyearning.
Beautiful post
Well said. And so very true.
So beautiful! And so true!! I am feeling so blessed to have that kind of love with my own husband!
Beautifully written. You must make your parents so proud. You are very wise for your years. Your words and trust in God are very inspiring. May He continue to bless you and your family.
Beautiful. Touching. And very thought provoking.
We will celebrate 42 years together in Oct. I was a very young 19 when we married. I was very strong willed, still am a bit, but I’m working daily on that. We have grown together through the years and the two have become one. He is a good Christian man and I am proud to be called his wife and helpmate. I loved your post and I’m enjoying your journey as you you are led by the Lord in this new way of living.
Blessings Gail
So beautiful…I love looking back and seeing growth in ourselves. Can you imagine all the growth we’ll all (hopefully) see in the next 40-50 years??
2 mnths from now would be our 10th anniversary…my hearts aches and I know it’s mostly my fault. :'( I truly had no idea what love was when we married in that perfect ceremony, Aug 31/02. He has held my hand thru so many things…the birth of our beautiful dghtr, a crushing depression, addiction, and affair #3…my heart feels like it’s in a million pieces & I’m not sure where to go from here…Wish & pray I could save that love from year 7…
Thank you for sharing this – it was a great blessing to me. I really appreciated how he was clear about what love is not. So many women today are caught up in some day-dream that does not exist. But love is a CHOICE, not a gushy, emotional feeling.
Praise the Lord.
On a side note, I just found your blog and have been enjoying looking through it. If I had more time, I’d look through it all.
Joanne in Monett, MO
How Absolutely Lovely And Profound
Shannon, Although I am relatively new to your blog and will most likely not always have time to leave a comment. I have come back to read this a couple of times now…and just wanted to say. This is beautiful and gritty…and real. And reminds me so much of what I would say to that young “me.” And it made me think of how when you have a baby everyone asks you if you are ready to have a baby, and if you are ready for all of those sleepless nights. To which you say yes.I.am. When the truth is you have no.idea. and then an even bigger truth is…sleepless nights are nothing, NOTHING compared to the responsibility of shaping these little souls that God has blessed you with, for all of eternity.
I loved this post and found it so moving, especially with all of the photos.
I love how a message can be captured and shared so intently in a few snapshots, frozen in time.
Thanks for sharing your journey so far.
I’m heading to the beginning of your blog to see how this has all unfolded to this point.
XO
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.
And most importantly-it is not only a gift to your husband-and your young self-but also to your precious children. We teach by example and you and your husband are marvelous examples of this.
Excellent Post. The unhappy thing about wisdom like this, is you can’t teach it to anyone who is still blind. But reinforcing it to ourselves is critical. Raising up a new generation with the oldest truths is the reward. God Bless you and thank you for this.
Michael
That brought tears to my eyes. I adore this blog and enjoy every word
So sweet 🙂