The Blessing in the Thorns – Part 2

I’ve been thinking about additional parts of this series for a long time during my up and down recovery.  If you missed the first part I encourage you to go back and read Part 1 so that you have the context for Part 2.  I’ve put off writing this part for awhile, partly because I’ve frequently been too tired, and partly because I just kept putting it off.  I hope this part is a blessing for you in some way.

As I was starting to recover from the round of fatigue I mentioned in Part 1 of this series I made a lot of mistakes that led to a much more severe relapse, from which I’m still trying to recover.  This was back in early September.  I was tired, but not so tired at that point that I couldn’t do some things.  I also was feeling well enough to start plotting big plans for how to accomplish several things at once: speed my recovery, visit my grandfather in the hospital, and get some work done to make some money to build more infrastructure on the homestead.  This plan revolved around traveling up to Missouri for a week or two to visit my grandfather.  While there I hoped I could also try to finish some computer projects I had without some of the unbearable heat that seemed to be lingering in our cabin from late summer weather.  I also wanted to try to fit the trip into early September so we could still get back and have a fall garden.  Also, I didn’t want to leave before our community work day in early September.  So I was triangulating dates and already applying pressure to myself to make it all happen… ironically because I thought I could get some rest while we were in Missouri too.

Does Anyone See a Problem With This?

I was pushing to run again before I could hardly walk, which can be a physical as well as spiritual problem.  To top all this off, and just to put the icing on the cake of my next health catastrophe, I worked my first full day outside in weeks at around 97 degrees (our community work day).  I then got my family up the next morning at 2:30 a.m. and traveled about 14 hours all the way to Missouri in a van without air conditioning.  We left early to avoid the brutal heat and avoid splitting the day into two traveling days .  Yes, you now know how to spell stupid… and it starts with Stew… and ends in artful form… kind of like Stew-Art.

Immediately upon arrival to Missouri I was exhausted.  Then the next few days I went to visit my grandfather in the hospital every day.  Seeing someone you love in the hospital is heart breaking and stressful.  About the 3rd or 4th day in my grandfather also developed some complications, which added to an already difficult visit.  It was after this that I came home one day and couldn’t finish my dinner, in fact I could barely start.  It seemed like the life drained out of me in some sort of systemic crash.  I went to bed in the middle of dinner and didn’t get up for several hours.  We figure it was probably a blood sugar crash.

The next day, still feeling quite tired, we decided I probably ought to see someone about it since the problem was coming back and getting worse from a few weeks prior.  We visited a chiropractor’s office that also dealt with nutrition… however, somehow the scheduling got mixed up so I ended up seeing the guy who dealt with Sport’s Nutrition instead of regular nutrition that we wanted to see.  However, I still managed to end up with a few good supplements.  That day passed without major incident and I started a few of the additional supplements.

The following day a little after lunch I went down again hard.  I slept for a few hours and woke up feeling very weak.  I managed to walk out to where Shannon was to talk to her.  Somehow in my discussion I don’t think I managed to convey the seriousness of how I felt.  So I got myself over to the refrigerator to try to find something to boost my blood sugar.  By the time I got over there I could hardly stand up.  So I got on my knees while looking through the refrigerator.  I found some V8 juice that had fruit juice in it and took some swigs, trying not to keel over on the spot.  Somewhere in this process Shannon found me and wondered what was going on.  I never passed out, but I came a lot closer than I would have liked.  I did have to put my head almost on the floor while trying to get my body together enough to stand up.  I downed a couple of adrenal supplements as well.  After an hour or so my body started to come out of it.

By this time we were trying to put all the pieces together.  We realized that over the last year or two I’d had several prior incidents of being really tired for a couple weeks to the point of not being able to do hardly anything.  This was just a progression and acute situation of what we believe is a bigger chronic fatigue issue.  So we did some research online so we could get a better handle on adrenal fatigue and found there are various stages… and by all accounts I was in the final stage that if not treated could lead to adrenal failure.  Of course, we are not experts and some would suggest (and did) that I should go to the hospital.  However, we did our research there too, and the most likely treatment for my condition if my adrenals were 90% gone would be shots for the rest of my life… a band-aid, not a cure for the underlying issues.  And, if my adrenals were not 90% gone they would probably say come back when they are.  We had to weigh whether getting a bunch of tests done for my condition was worth the money…. and whether or not there was a danger of getting sucked into the medical system and making some decisions too quickly.  I’m not saying what we did is what someone else should do in a similar situation.  I’m just relaying how it went for us up to that point.

Slowing Down is a Blessing

I once again found myself having to rest almost all of the time.  And looking back on it when I’m feeling a little better it doesn’t seem so bad… but honestly at the time we were quite desperate.  I was nonfunctional, Shannon is pregnant, and we were not at home.  Three young children still need to be taken care of every day.  Thankfully, my dad stays at my grandparents to help them out and was able to provide some assistance.

In the meantime, when I wasn’t too tired to do anything, I was able to read a few pages at a time in A.W. Pink’s Gospel of John Commentary again.  And thankfully, the Lord mercifully had me read pages that provided encouragement and hope.  I want to quote part of the page that had the biggest impact on me as I was laying there with questions and doubts.  It is some of Pink’s thoughts on John 6:5, 6:

     What happened to Philip is, in principle and essence, happening daily in our lives.  A trying, if not a difficult, situation confronts us; and we meet with them constantly.  They come not by accident or by chance; instead, they are each arranged by the hand of the Lord.  They are God’s testing of our faith.  They are sent to “prove” us. Let us be very simple and practical.  A bill comes unexpectedly; how are we to meet it? The morning’s mail brings us tidings which plunge us into an unlooked for perplexity; how are we to get out of it?  A cog slips in the household’s machinery, which threatens to wreck the daily routine; what shall we do? An unanticipated demand is suddenly made upon us; how shall we meet it? Now, dear friends, how do such experiences find us?  Do we, like Philip and Andrew did, look at our resources? Do we rack our minds to find some solution? or do our first thoughts turn to the Lord Jesus, who has so often helped us in the past?  Here, right here, is the test of our faith.

O, dear reader, have we learned to spread each difficulty, as it comes along, before God?  Have we formed the habit of instinctively turning to Him?  What is your feebleness in comparison to His power!  What is your emptiness in comparison to His ocean of fulness?  Nothing! Then look daily to Him in simple faith, resting on His sure promise, “My God shall supply all your need” (Phil. 4:19).  Ah! you may answer, It is easy to offer such advice, but is far from easy to act on it.  True. Yea, of yourself it is impossible.  Your need, and my need, is to ask for faith, to plead for grace, to cry unto God for such a sense of helplessness that we shall lean on Christ, and on Him alone.  Thus, ask and wait, and you shall find Him as good as His word. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me?  hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God” (Psa. 43:5).

Exposition of the Gospel of John – Three Volumes in One by A.W. Pink p. 290

In the next part I hope to convey how one simple passage, mentioned by Pink above, has been burned into my mind and helped me put some pieces together I’d been missing about our whole perspective on homesteading and a process driven life…

In the meantime, another post that I recommend is over at The Sifford Sojournal called “Redeeming the Time, Part 2“