The Anniversary Post (an open letter to my newlywed self)
Today is our ninth wedding anniversary. Remembering the times we’ve moved (4), the children we’ve had (also 4), and the years we’ve shared is always a blessing. This past year has been the hardest year for either of us – both as individuals and as a couple – but it has been rich in blessings and mercies and the Lord has, once again, brought us through.
I wrote this post – one that I wrote as an open letter to my newly wed self – two years ago. I thought I’d share it again today.
Dear New Bride,
Today you are getting married. You have met the man you will spend the rest of your life with and today is the day you seal the deal. Never mind the fact that your Dad offered you a Greyhound ticket out of here last night and at least half of the forty-five people waiting to witness this grand occasion are livid at your audacity to get married in a way that they don’t approve of.
But you will make it through this day and look back on it fondly as “One of the worst days of my life.” Thankfully your marriage, which is the thing that really matters here, isn’t nearly as bleak.
Oh young girl, you are as naive as your twenty two years show. You will profess love today without even knowing what it truly means. You see roses and love letters and endless affection in your future, but that is not love. You will have all of those things and more, but they do not make a marriage and could never compare to what a loving union really is.
You are marrying an imperfect man today, but that man will change your life in ways you can’t even imagine. Over the next seven years you will go through the growing pains of learning how to be a husband and wife while on the job. Whatever you think a marriage should look like throw it out the window because you are wrong.
Love is not him making you happy or comfortable for the rest of your life.
Love is not lying to you about who you are or allowing you to deceive yourself.
Love is not a public declaration of affection or a meaningless gift on Valentine’s day.
No, my dear, love is none of these things. This man who loves you will tell you when you are wrong, will tell you when you are selfish, will tell you when you are disrespectful, and will tell you when you need to change. He will do all of this with a look on his face that lets you know that he doesn’t want to be the one to tell you, but he’ll tell you anyway.
Because he loves you.
This man will grow in ways you can’t imagine. He will exemplify Christ’s love for the church, drawing you closer to Him.
He will quit his job and throw away his all important “security” so that he can live out the life God has commanded him to live.
He will build a home for you when you need one and will dance with you within the walls of its 150 square feet.
He will teach your sons to be men by being one himself.
He will hold your hand as you bring life into this world, he will chase your sons around with roaring giggles, and he will love your daughter as only a father can.
He will put up with your ridiculousness and learn to kind of sort of appreciate your sarcastic sense of humor.
He will pray with you, he will laugh with you, and he will teach you things you never knew about yourself.
He will build you a table, plant you a vegetable garden, and empty your composting toilet.
All of this may not sound romantic, young bride, but what it is is love. If only you could really appreciate all that he means when he says “I do.”
Shannon, this is sooooo true, right, amazing. Sometimes I’m glad I didn’t know much of what I do now when I said “I do.” This year, in about a month I will celebrate 30 years with my husband that I sincerely love more now than when I married him. He shows love everyday and puts up with my ideas. Recently I said “I have an idea” and got a “don’t have anymore ideas for awhile” in response. We are kinda on the same path in northern indiana but still on grid, hoping to drastically cut usage but realizing we may never b totally off grid. He takes my.ideas and makes them happen, listens to my rants, backs up my hopes and dreams all the while working a full time job and coming home to work right beside me sometimes to the point of both of us going to work to get a break. Saying “I do” at 18 was just the beginning with most in attendance thinking we would b divorced in 2 years. I compromised on my wedding dreams because of the full out negative “shouts” I got over what I wanted. Very conservative family and out of the box don’t quite mix. My husband and I literally said last night what our wedding would look like then if we had had the confidence and strength of will we have now. Love is bumps and bruises, grief and childishness, feeling overwhelmed and being a jerk. But if we allow it what comes out of being two humans is something that is the indescribable, all encompassing thing called true love that does all the “yucky” stuff along with the “amazing” stuff. Happy Anniversary.
Hi! I’ve been a reader of your blog for a while, but have never commented. I just had to say, this is such a lovely post! My husband and I will celebrate nine years of marriage next month and I find your words resounding with me. I especially appreciate this: “Love is not lying to you about who you are or allowing you to deceive yourself.” I am so grateful for a husband who is willing to do the hard work of being honest with me. And I’m happy for you, that you have the same gift! Happy anniversary. 🙂
Beautiful! Although I am only four and half years in, I resonate with this. Though I didn’t have many illusions when we got married, perhaps because I was older (27) and the child of divorce. I chose a very different path than my parents and those around me it. It is amazing how God can take the ugly (divorce and dysfunctional relationships) and use them for his glory to create something beautiful (my marriage). And I am so curious about how you got married that mad every one angry! Did you elope? Get married quickly? I love it! 🙂
And Happy Anniversary! The first picture is so precious! I love big baby bellies! Why does our culture say it is okay for babies to have bellies and cellulite but now adults? Silly!
This is so beautiful. So very beautiful, both the photos and the writing. Thank you.
Such a beautiful post!
Beautiful & powerful. We married young, and now 15 years, 5 pregnancies, and 3 children later (all of which have special needs) we’ve discovered it’s only getting better day by day 🙂 Hard work, but well worth it with God as the center. Congrats on your anniversary.
I loved this post when I first read it two years ago, and I’ve done my behalf. Thank you so much for writing it!
Sorry about the mistake above, I meant to say and I love it now!